A year ago I was a different person. I looked a little different but more importantly, I thought differently. I used to think that things were easy for other people and harder for me. That I didn’t have what it takes. That I had to be comfortable with the person I was because the change I was looking for wasn’t going to happen. I thought that I was going to miss out on activities and experiences because I was too overweight.
I had a LapBand done back in 2006. I thought that was the answer. I just had to eat less and since I didn’t have the control to do it on my own, I needed surgical intervention. I never wanted to have a gastric bypass though, it scared me. I didn’t want to alter my body that way. Although, putting a band around your stomach is an alteration, I rationalized it by saying I wasn’t “creating by cutting”. Well, this didn’t work either. After 5 years and 2 revisions later I only lost 25lbs. Wow, that was a great success!
Then, that fateful day snow tubing last year happened. I can’t begin to describe the feelings of fear and anxiety I experienced. See, when you are grossly overweight, everything you do is harder. Tying your shoes, fitting in a bathroom stall and getting your butt into the hole of a snow tube. It was the worst feeling knowing that you may not be able to fit in the tube and would have to walk all the way down to the bottom of the hill. Then you’d have to sit down there and watch your friends have fun and experiences that you couldn’t participate in. Luckily for me I did get in that tube. It made me realize that there is too much fun to be had to have to worry about whether or not I’d be able to join in. I knew that I NEVER wanted to feel the way I felt standing at the top of that hill that day.
I’ve said a few times that I’ve never failed at something I’ve given 100% to. I don’t think I’ve ever given 100% to making myself healthy. Until this past year. It feels so good to say that. I have given my all and I am reaping those rewards.
This year I have lost 46lbs. It is less than I wanted but slow and steady wins the race. I have lost a total of 37 inches too.
- Chest: 4.5
- Band: 2.5
- Waist: 12
- Hips: 5
- Legs: total of 8
- Arms: total of 4
- Neck: 1
I hate, no abhor pictures. I was told by Jen that I needed to take pictures of myself before starting this journey and I did. As I share them with you please know how incredibly hard it is for me to do so. I am glad I took these pictures because it has helped remind me of where I was and where I want to go.
It is hard to look at the first person. She really was so unhappy with herself and where she had allowed herself to get to. But she’s gone. I’ll look back at her to make sure the new me realizes how much I’ve worked. The work has paid off too. I can do so many things I wasn’t sure would be possible.
Part of all of this work has been fixing my relationship with food. That’s really where it all starts. I had so many excuses for such a long time. You’ve probably heard them all too: “Oh, I couldn’t give up ___. I’ll just work out more tomorrow so I can eat ____. It says low-fat, sugar-free, no calories, etc.” I had to stop kidding myself and start getting real if this was ever going to work. I started reading about nutrition and decided to cut things out of my diet. I did a Paleo challenge with my box and got great results. Then I got lazy. I learned how to eat right and how to add things back in so that I could maintain my weight. The problem was that I’m not at a place where I want to maintain yet. So I decided to do a Whole30. I felt so good before the end that I have given myself a goal of Whole100. I am on day 46. I feel so good and my body is clearly thanking me for it. I hope that your box talks a lot about nutrition like mine does. If they offer a nutritional challenge, take part. Just do it, and don’t do it half way. Remember, you won’t fail at something that you give 100% to.
When I walked into West End Crossfit last year for my first on ramp class I was petrified. I knew how Crossfit worked and just didn’t want to finish last. I didn’t want people waiting on me. I didn’t want anyone to think I wasn’t strong enough. I had to scale everything, except the weights. Oh thank goodness for the barbell. It has been my saving grace. It’s where I want to go when my day is hard or I’m in a bad mood. It can all be fixed within the four walls of WECF. All of my non-scale victories have been there. I’ve gone from doing push ups on a box to working on handstand push ups(doing a handstand for the first time in years was Ah.mazing!). I just posted about now working on toes to bar/knees to elbows when I couldn’t even hang from the bar when I started. I can double under, I’ve taken 44secs off my 2K row(44 seconds!!), I am very close to being able to deadlift my body weight, I can do 16″ box jumps after starting at only being able to step up, I love Oly lifting and competed in my very first crossfit competition.
I have so much to give and this is only the beginning. I can’t begin to put into words how I feel about you, Tim and Jen Grabham. You saved me with your guidance and unconditionally belief in me. You never let me “half-ass” it. You encouraged and have created an environment where people feel safe and welcomed. You have created the “community” which is Crossfit. WECF is a part of my family, literally. Because of what you two have made my whole family has joined in on this journey with me. The 5 and 8 yr olds love Kids Crossfit and how fun you make it, the 15 yr old is becoming a better young man because of the confidence Crossfit has given him and my loving, wonderfully supportive husband is loving it so much that he wants to partner with me in our next competition! You two change lives. That’s what Crossfit is about and you two embody it wholeheartedly. Thank you.
A quick thank you to Bobby. You are the most amazing husband. As I look at the picture of me from last year I realize that I had let you down. But you never let on that you ever felt that way. You treat me like I am the most important and only woman in the world. Thank you for loving me even though I haven’t loved myself. I promise I’m going to be healthy and around for a long time.
Although this is a post about the end of a year, it’s really just the beginning of the rest of my life. I can’t imagine my life the way it was. I have every intention of getting stronger and healthier and having all those life experiences I wasn’t sure I’d have. I don’t know what this next year has in store but I know it will be amazing!
I challenge you to take a good look in the mirror. Stop the excuses, stop kidding yourself. Get healthy. Get happy. Find someone who believes in you more than you believe in yourself and let them help you. You a worth making yourself the best version of you. Do it today!