Five years ago one of my closest friends, Brooke, told me that she was picking up and moving to a new state and starting a new life for her and her girls. I was shocked and scared for her and jealous of her sense of adventure. I was also so happy for her but didn’t want to see her go. I’m not sure who suggested it but she and I and our “brother from another mother, Cliff” decided to go snow tubing. I had never gone and had always wanted to.
I’m not going to repeat how the day went. You can read it here if you want. But Facebook reminded me that this was 5 years ago, today. Wow, I can’t believe all this time has passed. Some days I think it’s been longer and some days it feels like just yesterday I walked into the gym for the very first time. There are so many things that have changed in my life since that day. To say I’m a different person is an understatement. There are traces of that woman still in me but for the most part I left her on the mountain that day.
Here’s the thing, I needed to be that person. If I wasn’t then I couldn’t appreciate the person I’ve become and the person I will be. It is only through our suffering, struggle and desire to walk through the fire that we can then appreciate being on the other side. Just like the phoenix, we have to rebuild ourselves over and over again.
This year specifically I have spent understanding myself and what makes me happy. Maybe it’s because I turned 30 again for the eleventh time that I realized I’m around the “hump year” of my life and want to know what the future holds for me. Or maybe it’s because I have found the things that bring me joy and I want to make sure I have more of that. Either way, whatever the catalyst was, discovering what makes me tick has been scary and overwhelming and exhilarating and has made me sad and happy but I’m eager to keep learning. I feel like I am the guinea pig in my own social experiment. I’m just going to try things and see if they fit so to speak.
Life is short and we don’t know how long we get to be here but I do know that I don’t want to waste any of it. I want to feel good in my own skin. I want to be ok with feeling confident. I want to go through life saying yes instead of no to opportunities to grow and change. No more stagnation, no more fear of the unknown, no more living meekly, no more dimming of my light. No more apologies for loving with my whole heart, I will own the way I think and not apologize if this makes you uncomfortable.
I don’t really like resolutions but I LOVE goals. If any of this rings true with you, make a goal for yourself to change something. Not on the 1st, not after some party, not on a Sunday or a Monday, not when it’s convenient, if you are not happy where you are, in this moment, change. Do it now, don’t wait. You will never truly be ready. So why wait? Yeah, anything you say right now will just be an excuse. Take it from me, I was the queen of excuses so you won’t be able to convince me there’s a good reason. And this may sound harsh but I have grown to appreciate when I get the facts given to me straight. And luckily I have a few people I can go to when I need a good dose of “in your face, get your head out of your ass” conversations. I almost never like what is said at first because I know sometimes the truth is hard to swallow, but that doesn’t make it any less true.
I appreciate every moment of that day. Without it I wouldn’t be able to see the amazing things that lie ahead. And let me tell you, the future is bright my friends. All you need to do is jump on the train, it’s moving with or without you! Thank you all for a wonderful year, I can’t wait to see where we all are next year.