Wow! Where did all that time go?

It’s been awhile, I know.  Hope to do better but sometimes life happens.

 

So, a couple of weeks ago I realized that my CrossFit anniversary was coming up. I stopped what I was doing, went into our office and picked up my first WOD journal.

I was relieved to see that I hadn’t missed the date. I still remember everything about that day. I had just finished group on Ramp classes two days before. I knew right away that I wanted to start group classes when I was finished. I was so nervous to start classes. I knew how hard the workouts were during my on ramp I could only imagine how hard the workouts were going to be in a class setting. But I walked in and was ready to work. I was there for make up day so I let my coach guide me into doing a workout she thought would allow me to feel accomplished when I finished. I remember thinking that it wasn’t going to be too bad…..I was wrong. She modified the rep scheme for me so that I got the intended stimulus, but it still sucked. The workout? “Annie” 50-40-30-20-10 Double unders and Abmat situps. Luckily I didn’t have to do the workout all by myself. Whenever I do “Annie” now, I always think about Marcy and how incredibly nice and encouraging she was while we did that workout together. I’ve done the workout many times since and have gone from highly modifying it like on that first day to now doing the workout as written. This system of measurable data is what helps to keep things in perspective for me when I don’t feel like I’m progressing like I should. I have to continually remind myself where I started.

I’m not the best athlete and I was so incredibly out of shape that everything we did was uncomfortable. I was last all the time and I didn’t have clothes that fit. I didn’t move fast and I couldn’t do simple movements. BUT I WANTED TO BE SUCCESSFUL. I knew right away that I wanted my coaches to be proud of me. I wanted them to know that I could do anything if they gave me the chance to show them. And they did, over and over again. They believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself. They stood right next to me and encouraged me to do one more rep. They looked me in the eye and told me it was ok when I was tearful from trying over and over and not being successful. They reminded me that I needed to be proud of what my body could DO instead of focusing on the numbers on the scale.

Fast forward THREE YEARS!!!!!

Now I’m still not the best athlete, I still come in last sometimes, things are still uncomfortable BUT I am such a different person than I was back then. Those coaches that I wanted to make proud gave me the best opportunity I could ever ask for: to believe in those that don’t believe in themselves yet. When I walked into West End CrossFit three years ago I NEVER even imagined the direction my life would take. I was looking for a way to get in shape, be healthy and have fun while doing it. If you had told me that day I did “Annie” for the first time, that three years later I would be coaching others, I would have laughed at you. Some days I still don’t believe it, don’t feel worthy of what I’ve been given. I think back to that girl who had no confidence in herself and want to tell her, “Guess what? in three years you’re going to be strong. You’re going to be proud of yourself. You’re going to make a difference. Keep moving forward because you’re going to get better every day.”

So on this awesome day filled with lots of PR’s(we maxed out front squats today. I increased 40 pounds since November from 240# to 280# even after having wrist surgery in July which ended in a plate and 8 screws in my left radius) I am so thankful for so many things. Tim and Jen, thank you for believing in me and seeing the potential that I never knew was there. Thank you for entrusting your athletes with me, I feel very lucky to do what I do everyday. Thank you for everyone that told me “you got this!” because at some point I believed you and that helped me to not give up. And of course, Bobby. Thanks for allowing me to follow this passion that I never knew I had. I’m so lucky to have you, even if your cookie obsession drives me crazy.

Ciao bella

 

 

Some days we freak out for nothing.

I had a tiny anxiety attack today while at the gym. I haven’t felt this uncomfortable since that day on the snow tubing hill that led to where I am today. I remember it like it was yesterday. The fear of humiliation, the panic. I never wanted to feel that way again. That is why I dove head and heart first into CrossFit. I needed something and that was what I was going to try.

Fast forward two years. Wait a second, it’s been two years! That just blew my mind. Ok, well back to my slight panic ridden moment. I had a slight injury last week and I don’t have the use of my left arm and it’s the perfect opportunity to give the right one a rest since it’s been temperamental. Soooo, when you aren’t doing anything overhead what’s left? That’s right, squats. Then some more squats and then even more squats. That’s right people, I’m building a bigger bootay and big ass quads.

I went to the gym in the best mood. I rarely get a chance to work out with the other coaches because our schedules are all over the place. I was really looking forward to our session today. We all do such a good job of knowing when and how much to push each other. We have all gotten comfortable with being uncomfortable so that helps. But all of that was about to stop before we even got started.

It’s time to get started and elevated weighted squats were right there at the top of the white board. I’m familiar with how to do them because I’ve assisted some other athletes in the gym that have used them during their hiatus from going overhead. I knew in my mind they were going to be on the board but the reality of it sank in, quick. They are simple really. You wrap the belt around your waist then place the chain through the handle of the kettlebell then secure the chain by fastening it to the belt. Get yourself up on the box, stabilize and squat. Sounds simple yes? Well, as long as you get past step one(wrap the belt around your waist) the rest is just work.

So here’s where the anxiety kicks in. My mind went from 0-60 in less than .5 seconds. It went something  like this: “What if the belt doesn’t fit me? There are people here and I’m going to be so embarrassed. I’m going to look like an idiot because this stupid thing isn’t going to fit. If this doesn’t fit then I haven’t worked hard enough. I’m so disappointed.” All of these idiotic statements, and then some went through my head in a matter of seconds. All the negative talk that I battle with daily took over and I almost cried. Reliving that moment still puts a pit at the bottom of my stomach and I know how the situation turns out.

Well, I think Tim knew I was getting a little anxious and just started getting stuff together without making a big deal of it. I saw out of the corner of my eye that he had picked up the weight belt. I walked towards him and assessed the circumference of the opening and decided to go arms first thinking that if I could get it past my big ass shoulders then maybe it would fit on my hips. At the time this option seemed more logical than to try and wrap something around your waist in hopes that you can get it to fit. And within seconds again I’m getting rapid fire messages like “why do you want to do this? Shouldn’t you be resting, you just had surgery? Ok, the opening looks big enough but my hips might be bigger. How big are my hips anyway? Are they bigger than my shoulders cause you know you have BIG shoulders.” And then the belt starts passing over your head and you hear “Ok, this might work. I think I can do this. Everything is going to be ok.”

And yes, the belt fits fine. I’m being over dramatic and freak out for nothing. I squat for what feels like days and am looking forward to doing it again soon. Happy ending……hold on, not so fast. This one little blip in my day made me realize how much work it takes to get yourself to a better place. Bottom line is that I don’t give myself enough credit for the work and change that has occurred. I am so obsessed with the scale and about my jiggle that I have diminished all of the amazing things I have accomplished. I am immersed in the most supportive environment but I haven’t been supportive to myself. I belittle when the weight on the bar isn’t as heavy as I’d like. I hear the negative self talk when I don’t finish as fast as I feel I should. I compare constantly. I would NEVER tolerate any of our athletes talking or thinking like this but I have somehow made myself the exception. I have not done a good job of being the student. I don’t allow myself the same compassion I have and give to others. I hold myself to a level of perfection that is close to unattainable.

I’m always fighting the expectation I assume others have for me instead of just focusing on the goal ahead. At the end of the day I’m the one that needs to be proud of my work and my journey. Allowing myself to be more aware of the victories along the way may help. You may not have the same struggles but I bet you don’t give yourself enough compassion either. Be proud of your journey, every step forward and every step back because success is built upon a mountain of failure. Love yourself for the work you are doing to make yourself better today and allow yourself to not be perfect. Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and transparent instead of trying to be perfect helps others on their journey. My hope for you is that you can recognize when you’re allowing the negative thoughts to creep in and to take that exact moment to give yourself the love and compassion you deserve. Then go squat!

Ciao bella

Another year….

It’s probably close to 70 degrees today. It feels absolutely amazing and a perfect day to sit on the deck and read a book. It’s also a perfect day to rake all those leaves under the bushes in front of the house. It’s a particularly perfect day because it’s supposed to rain tomorrow and all of those leaves will be wet and heavy and I will have no desire or drive to rake. So, instead of getting into a story about “girl meets boy” I pulled out the rake and leaf blower.

I really don’t mind raking. It’s peaceful and gives me plenty of time with my thoughts. Thoughts about what I want to say. What I have to say and if any of it is relevent. Today’s thoughts revolved around the anniversary email I received from West End CrossFit.  It’s been two years since I started this journey. I actually started my On Ramp program sometime in February but didn’t start group classes until March. I’ve been thinking about how much I’ve changed and how much more change I’m seeking in this upcoming year.

There are times when I look in the mirror and I think about how slow this process is and how I wish I would just wake up a brand new person. Then there are days I look in the mirror and see a brand new person. It depends on the day, maybe the weather, I really can’t figure out how it works. I do know that the things that have changed bear more weight than the things that haven’t.

I want to lose more weight. I look at the number on the scale and know that it has to change. I have to regain control of my relationship with food. It sounds funny, “my relationship with food” like we might break up, hardly. But some days I think it’s whole purpose in my life is to make me crazy. Then I come back down to reality and realize that I’m living in a Sesame Street skit where the food talks. Totally sane, I know. And then there’s the constant battle with performing the perfect snatch and figuring out why I can’t clean the same amount I can jerk, grrrrr. Oh and toes-to-bar and burpees and wallballs. What sadistic person thought those would be fun things to do? Oh, and did I mention being able to do consecutive double unders without having to wear my grandmothers Depends?? But seriously, besides losing all the weight I think I should, all of those other things I mentioned have gotten better. That’s the beauty of this process.

I feel so incredibly lucky. Not only have I found something that I truly enjoy to do, even wallballs, well maybe not wallballs, but I get the honor to be included in the lives of so many others that are on their own journeys. It means so much to me that I have people trust me and ask me for help. I don’t take that lightly. It’s taken me some time and positive encouragement from other coaches but I have realized that I have a decent eye for movement. I have a long way to go and look forward to learning all the time but being confident in my abilities has allowed me to experience successes in others that I may have missed.

Some of the best things that have happened to me this year have nothing to do with me personally. I’ve seen an athlete have that “light bulb” moment after a cue. There have been tears of joy seeing someone accomplish a goal they have worked hard for. By far, the best moments are seeing people push themselves harder and farther than they ever thought they could. To be a part of that is priceless and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

So here’s to another wonderful year filled with “light bulb” moments, tears of joy, pushing past what we think we are capable of and wallballs. Lots and lots of wallballs.

Ciao bella

What the Bar(bell) does to(for) me.

Some of you don’t understand the connection/obsession with the barbell but that’s ok. Keep reading, it will all come together.

I’ve had a few conversations lately about my love of lifting.  All of these conversations have been with other ladies. They just asked, “Do you REALLY love lifting?” I was quick to respond with a resounding “yes”. No hesitation noted, no need to think it through. Yes, all day long and twice on squat days, yes! I have always felt this way. When I think back to my first introduction to a gym I remember wanting to be there all the time. I was only 14 at the time so I never admitted it. I was too scared.

My mother always told me, “you’re so strong.” Not, “you’re so pretty” or “you’re so beautiful”. No, I got “you’re so strong”. Today, in 2013, it is encouraged to tell your daughter that but back in the mid 1980’s that was the last thing I wanted to hear. I didn’t want to be strong. I wanted to be Molly Ringwald in Sixteen Candles. I wanted to be a cheerleader and date the football star. I didn’t want to have strong shoulders, I wanted to be thin and wear tight Guess jeans. But I wasn’t; I was “strong”. And so, the love/hate relationship with my body began.

I was constantly at battle with myself. I loved the way I felt when I was in the gym but hated the way I looked. I HATED myself so much that I never let people take pictures of me. I’m still incredibly uncomfortable with having my picture taken. If I’m in a picture then I’m always in the back, hiding behind someone else so they can cover up all the imperfections I see. But that is changing. Slowly, with hard work, I’m allowing me to like me.

This is where the bar comes in. It’s a piece of steel. 45 pounds of polished steel with ball bearings and knurl marks. It hurts my hands and leaves me battered and bruised. But I go back because the bar is where I like myself. It’s where I accept my wide shoulders and ever-increasing in size traps that pull and shrug and move more weight over my head than I ever thought I could. The bar is where I accept and love my legs. The legs that squat and lunge and step and drag heavier loads than I thought possible. The bar is where I adore my arms when they are pressing or pulling or swinging or pushing. The bar has given me the confidence to accept myself where I never could before.

Some of you don’t have a bar, you have a paint brush or a pair of running shoes. Maybe it’s a bike or a camera or lump of clay. It’s whatever makes you feel good about yourself and gives you confidence. Whatever it is, go to it and do it often. Make sure it’s part of your daily routine. With all the negatives that are thrown at us we need to fight back by being good to ourselves. Learning to love our imperfections while we are on our journey to improve isn’t easy but necessary.  My goal to be better has not changed. I have a long way to go to get there but starting to like the person I’m on the journey with makes all the difference. If my constant battle is with myself then I can’t expect to make any head way towards my goals.

I hope you have found your bar or bike or lump of clay. Life is too short to spend all your time working. Find something that brings you passion and confidence. You’ll know what it is when you can’t stop thinking or talking about it and how good it makes you feel. Your life isn’t a John Hughes movie where the script plays out like a fairy tale. We have to make our own happy endings and it starts with you accepting yourself, squat booty and all.

Ciao bella

“Give me whatcha got, Coach”

I go to the box to do work.

Sometimes it’s not the work I want to do. Sometimes, more times, I know that my body is gonna fight the work. My body is gonna hurt. Not in the “ouch, I have a bone sticking out of my leg” hurt, but in a “my lungs are on fire and I can’t squat anymore” hurt.

BUT, I work.

I work because for so long I didn’t do the work. I told myself lies so that I could sit on the couch instead of doing the work. I made up excuses so I didn’t have to do the work. I was lazy. It was no one elses fault but my own. I can’t point fingers and say someone else made me eat all that processed shit I shoveled in my mouth. No one stood over top of me and force-fed me pasta and junk food. No, I did those things. Now I have to do the work.

I go to the box to work. It doesn’t matter what’s written on the board, I’m going to try and do it. I may not be successful but you won’t hear me bitch and moan about it. I don’t have the luxury of being able to move my body weight effortlessly. I have to struggle for each push up, pull-up and air squat. But I do them.

I get so frustrated to hear people complain about what’s written on the board. You are there to do the work and it’s not supposed to be easy. Remember, we do the stuff that the majority of others won’t do. We chose to walk in and give it our all. We asked for this.

So the next time you walk into the box and check out the board remember you wanted this. You walked in to do the work. Stop complaining, put your big girl panties on, load your fucking bar and say “Give me whatcha got, Coach”.

Got faith?

My drive to work has me passing a synagogue. On my way in tonight I noticed quite a few older men walking, dressed in suits wearing their Tzitzit and remembered that they are celebrating Rosh Hashanah. My best friend from high school is Jewish and I spent many Jewish holidays with her. I have always thought that Judaism is a beautiful religion and am amazed at the depth of their faith.

This led me to think about faith and what that means to me. The Merriam-Webster’s dictionary defines faith as:

1. a: allegiance to duty or a person : loyalty

b (1): fidelity to one’s promises (2): sincerity of intentions

2. a (1): belief and trust in and loyalty to God (2): belief in the traditional doctrines of a religion

b (1): firm belief in something for which there is no proof (2): complete trust

3. : something that is believed especially with strong conviction; especially: a system of religious beliefs

I think that most people correlate “faith” with religion but to be truly successful we need to apply faith to more areas of our life. Faith to me is more about believing in something that I cannot see. It’s being willing to put in work believing the results will come.

Faith is: eating a clean diet that contains more fat and calories than a pyramid tells me to eat; going against everything that I’ve been taught about food; believing in the process when the scale goes up but your pants size goes down; being prepared to put on my armor for the onslaught of criticism that I may receive because my belief is different; understanding that to be successful I have to do that which is hard and trust that the process may take longer than a 60 minute TV show.

Faith is: adding more weight to the bar when my coach says, “that looks really easy. I think you can do more” and taking some off when they say “your form is suffering”; listening when they say it’s time to rest after you’ve been to the gym multiple days in a row; putting the ego aside when they say no you can’t kip until you can do it strict; listening and implementing the advice if you ask why you haven’t progressed like you feel you should have. I have to trust what they see because I know they want me to maximize my potential. I am trusting my coaches to lead me in the right direction believing they have my best interest in mind.

Faith isn’t easy but it comes naturally. We inherently want to believe in something. All you have to do is look at a CrossFit Kids class. Those kids are so excited to try and do. If you tell them that they CAN do something they will try and achieve. It’s us adults who screw it up. We tell each other that “It can’t be done” or “no one’s been successful doing it like that” or “that’s too hard”. It is fear of what they can’t see instead of trusting in what they can’t see that keeps people stagnant and unwilling to change.

Don’t be that person. If you believe in your journey then keep stepping out on faith that you will meet your goal. Be prepared for the obstacles because there will be some but if you have faith(trust) in the process you WILL NOT FAIL!

Ciao bella

The View from……the Bottom

My husband and I competed in a team CrossFit competition yesterday. I didn’t anticipate ending up dead last because you never go into it saying, “I hope I/we end up in last place”.

My fifteen year old asked me, “If someone told you that you were going to end up in last place would you still have done the competition?” Without hesitation I said “of course!”

My background is in music, specifically voice. While actively doing that I was told I was very good. I won competitions, was accepted into prestigious programs and was even offered full scholarships to multiple undergraduate programs based on my vocal ability. I always thought it was nice to hear but felt I never really deserved the praise or recognition. It is a gift I was given. There is work that goes into perfecting that talent but ultimately I always thought it wasn’t hard work that kept me at the top. I was just lucky and blessed to be given a gift.

CrossFit has taught me how to work hard for things I want. I don’t have the natural gift or genetics like some of the athletes I work out with have. I don’t have the ideal body type for body weight/gymnastic movements. I don’t have age on my side. I do have the desire, the will and heart to get there though. I appreciate not being really good at something. I respect being at the bottom.

My view from where I sit is all uphill. Not in the “ugh, this steep mother fuckin’ hill is gonna suck” but more like, “Everything I do means I’m getting better”. If I’m at the bottom then any of the work I put in increases the chances of improving. When you’re at the top that perspective is harder to see because the gains are smaller.

Yes, we finished in last place. No, it wasn’t ideal but it just means we have a lot more to work on. We have so much room for growth. I could be really upset and could be kicking myself for not going faster on those burpees or pulling harder on the row or for the fact that I still can’t get my damn toes up to that bar. But I’m not. I’m proud that I actually did burpees instead of this “crawling, step by step” motion I did six months ago at my first competition. I’m proud of PR’ing my power clean at 125#. I surprised myself at how many overhead squats I could do because my back is still not 100% and I know it’s not one of my strengths.

I have so many things I can improve upon. I’m humble enough to say that I need to work and I need help. Every day I go into the box I am going to work hard. Not half assing the workouts, not shying away from the hard stuff, not making excuses, no pity parties . I am going to work hard so in December, after my next competition I will be just as proud of myself then as I am today.

I hope you have a way to challenge yourself. Set a goal and light a fire under your ass to attain it. Surround yourself with people who will challenge you and will tell you the truth even when you don’t want to hear it. Don’t forget the goal: to constantly be getting better. We only improve when we are stretched and tested.

So go out there and get uncomfortable. Allow yourself to get knocked down a few pegs because the view from the bottom isn’t really all that bad.

Ciao bella

Shine, because you are supposed to.

I’ve had a busy past few months and haven’t been able to get my thoughts together enough to write. We’ve moved, we waited and waited to buy this house. Then we almost had to move again. Then finally we bought the house. After 8 long months of waiting it’s finally ours, and the bank’s.

During this whole stressful time the one constant I had (next to the hubs) was the box. It was predictable: I was gonna sweat. It was uncomplicated: I know the movements. It was my community: duh! I would walk in and leave everything at the door. That’s what we’re supposed to do right?

I also learned a lot about myself. I learned that I need to be true to myself. That I have goals and dreams and if I allow it, someone else can and will distract me from attaining them. I learned that I care WAY too much about the thoughts and opinions of others. Even having anxiety about whether or not someone liked me. That was dumb! I can’t control whether someone likes me or not. I can only control MY actions and attitudes about it. Some people are just not happy and that has nothing to do with me. I think we all fall victim to this at times, the hard part is not succumbing to it.

The flip side to this is that there are wonderful people out there that want to see you succeed. They realize that the path to success is paved with the results of helping others. I have found this in so many people. I started doing banded pullups because of one of these people. We’ve never met but are on the same journey to be better. She writes for Eat to Perform which is a great resource for CrossFitters. She wrote this blog about struggling with pullups and finally “getting it”. I thought, “man, I want to be able to do pullups”. I have been doing ring rows(which are hard in their own right, but not pullups) since starting CrossFit and have attempted using a band with no success. After reading this blog post I went into the box, put two green bands on the rig, stepped in and pulled. Success!! It was the best feeling. To be successful at something you have failed at over and over creates an overwhelming amount of emotion. I was so happy but scared at the same time.

This is one of my favorite sayings and sums it up perfectly:

“Our Deepest Fear By Marianne Williamson

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness That most frightens us.

We ask ourselves

Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small

Does not serve the world.

There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking

So that other people won’t feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine,

As children do.

We were born to make manifest

The glory of God that is within us.

It’s not just in some of us;

It’s in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,

We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we’re liberated from our own fear,

Our presence automatically liberates others.”

So, shine on my friends. Be successful and encourage others to be successful. Share your gifts and do not shy away from the things you are good at. Be true to yourself and keep your eye on the prize.

Ciao bella

How easily we are swayed

I was standing in line at the check out counter and a magazine cover caught my eye. It had a beautiful woman on the front with a headline that said something like “How she went from fat to skinny” or “How she lost 20lbs”. Either way I immediately picked up the magazine, flipped to the article and began to read. The writer described this woman as being labelled the “fat” sister and how she has grown accustomed to the societal pressure of being called “thick” or “fat” but wanted to make a change for herself.

What I realized while quickly skimming through the magazine was that I was disappointed in myself. I quickly turned to the article because I wanted to know the secret to her weight loss; I wanted to lose the weight and not be labeled the “fat” friend/colleague/etc. anymore. I am still so new to this healthy way of living that I can easily be swayed by someone trying to sell me on a “quicker, easier way”.

Then it hit me. There is no secret. It’s not magic. There is no quick easy way.

It’s a change. In how you eat, live, work, play and see yourself. You can’t expect for the change to happen overnight. You can’t expect it to be easy. You can’t expect it to not to hurt. You can’t expect someone to do it for you.

I still struggle every day with how I see myself. I know that I’ve put in some good work and I’m reaping the rewards for that. But the road is still quite long and has twists and turns and hills and obstacles that will block my way. I just have to make sure that I’m not the one placing those obstacles there. So hopefully next time I’m in the checkout line and see a headline about “how they lost it all” I won’t forget that my plan is working for me and I won’t be swayed to try someone else’s.

Change takes time and mental fortitude even longer. Be strong in your beliefs. Don’t let anyone try to steal your joy.

Ciao bella

One size fits…….?

There are four words that can cause an overwhelming amount of anxiety for the overweight/obese individual:

ONE SIZE FITS ALL

Imagine going to enjoy a wonderful massage when they hand you a robe to put on and you look at the tag and it says OSFA. Now the wonderful massage you were hoping to enjoy has now turned into a full on panick attack. You are hoping that no one will see that the robe doesn’t close all the way or that the material is pulling on your shoulders. That you wished you hadn’t eaten that piece of {insert anything you enjoy but feel is bad for you}, or lifted more during your workout or ran longer or rowed harder. We have now turned what is supposed to be something good we are doing for ourselves into a self depreciating moment.

Today, for the first time since I started this journey, I was faced with a similar situation. I had gotten up this morning and put on my workout clothes and went to go have a test at my doctor’s office. The nice nurse asked if I had any metal in my pants and I realized that my pants had a zipper. I could feel my heart rate start to increase and my breathing got a little faster as she said, “Well then I’m going to give you these nice paper pants to put on”. Oh. My. God! This is how the conversation in my head went:

“These aren’t going to fit. I need a sheet. What if they’re too tight. They’re made of PAPER!!!! They’re gonna rip. I’m not going to be able to sit down in the chair. Oh and I’m in the middle of a room with nothing but recliner chairs to wait in. Where am I gonna hide??”

OK, you get the picture…the startings of a panick attack.

But then something really cool happened. I pulled on those paper pants and knew as soon as I slipped my first foot in that I was out of the woods. I was going to be ok. That today I was one of the “All”. After almost a year of hard work and healthy eating I was able to fit into a pair of paper pants at my doctor’s office without feeling bad about myself. I know that some of you will never or have never experienced a situation similar to this but when you are overweight, every day things can cause you to become anxiety ridden. When we focus our energy on being positive, positive things will happen.

This upcoming year is already going to be better than the last and it hasn’t even officially begun. I hope this new year you are able to find ways to treat yourself better physically and emotionally.

Ciao bella